Woody Allen is an award-winning American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, author, and playwright, whose career spans over half a century. (wikipedia)
He was a genius in the performing arts. Quick of wit and an active sense of humor marks his memory through the years. We have compiled a collection of some of his witty, funny but also insightful memorable quotes of all time.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen
I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Woody Allen
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
I don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen
I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said ‘No.’
Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.
Woody Allen
I am two with nature.
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
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